So I’ve decided to start blogging again. I can actually thank twitter and their 140 word count for frustrating me to the limit of writing blogs to get the message out that just can’t be explained in so little words.
I’m going to write about whatever is on my mind. Right now, my break up with my boyfriend is on my mind.
This has been my dating past:
A woman I dated for 4 years, from the time I was 15-19.
A guy I dated for 3 years, from the time I was 19-22.
Then there was my 1 year with a guy 22-23
And lastly the most unsuccessful relationship of all… my on again off again boyfriend over the past year 23-24.
No, the last one’s not Charlie. I don’t really count that one (not because I didn’t love him or it wasn’t real but it was lived in the public eye and I don’t want to relive it in my memories anymore) although everyone else in the world wants to.
So this last guy just really broke my heart… I am not going to get into too much detail of the actual relationship but I do want to share my feelings of the aftermath. I don’t even feel like I can love someone else right now. I have no desire to date let alone even have sex with another man, which as we all know is quite unusual for me.
Also from what you see above of my dating record I’ve never taken time off for me. As soon as I’m single there always seems to be the next suitor waiting around the corner for me. I think the reasons these relationships haven’t worked is because I allow myself to be with these people, and even fall in love with them, but I know in the back of my mind that it will most likely not work out. I, like many other women just don’t want to be alone. I yearn for a husband and children so badly but I now realize I have been going about this all the wrong way.
I have decided to take a year for myself. Not just for my career, but really for me as an individual. I want to take this time to discover and learn more about myself. I’m only 24 and I’m going to embrace that. When all is said and done and I finally do find the one, I believe that this year of embracing my individuality will highly contribute to any future relationships I have.
As many of you have heard me say lately… I’m going to live in the “here” and “now” and that happens to be me being single. I will work on coming to peace with this. It will obviously be a very new thing for me, but I will keep you all updated along my journey.
To all of my fans that have stuck by my side through thick and thin, thank you and I love you all so much. At times I feel like you’re all I have and you’re kind words here on the website and on twitter make me smile everyday. –Bree Olson