Grandma

For those of you that do not know my grandma was the most important person in the world to me. I was with her every summer and weekend growing up and sometimes the weekdays after school too. Every Holiday, Birthday and anything of that nature. I have other family of course but I am not nearly as close to them as I was her. When I started traveling for the occupation I have now I decided to continue residing in Indiana so that I could be close to her. Not much of any other reason to stay. I would come and see her as soon as I would arrive back in town. When I was out of town I would call and talk to her.
On July 7th I received a phone call around 3am that she was in the hospital from a heart attack. I rushed down to the ER and there she was sitting up in her bed like nothing had happened. Just happy to see me as usual. We talked until an ER nurse kicked me out and told me she had to rest. A few days later she was in a regular hospital room and received news that she should put a pacemaker in. The family talked her into it including me and a few days later she received the pacemaker. A few days after that she got sent home. She was home for almost a week when she had another heart attack that placed her back in the hospital. She went to ICU ( Intensive Care Unit) The day after she got to the hospital she had another heart attack. The day after that she had another. All of these together is four heart attacks in around two weeks. Her being in ICU killed me. She was only allowed visitors 5 times a day for half an hour at a time. I just wanted to stay and be with her all the time. Finally she got moved to a regular room. She had signed papers saying that if her condition worsens she does not want feeding tubes, ventilators, or any other method of life support. She decided if it was her time to go so be it.
Now that she was in a regular room I could stay day and night with her so I did. Each day she progressively got worse. The things I witnessed in that room will haunt me for the rest of my life but I refused to leave her side. Aside from her deteriorating health she grew scared, confused, weak and tired. One morning she just stopped breathing. That morning was July 28th 2008.
She was going to have the best seat in the church on my wedding day. She was going to be the first one besides my husband and I to hold my babies. She was going to be the first one to be invited over to my dream home. She was always my first choice in everything. I am so lost now. When she died I feel like I died with her. I feel like any smile I give now will never be a genuine one for I will forever suffer and be unhappy. I know she wouldn’t live forever but I at least thought I could share the things listed above with her and now I never will.
I can’t believe I have just summed up these past few weeks of hell on earth into a few paragraphs but it will have to do for now. I will write more in detail soon. I am going to go now and wonder aimlessly through my house and stare at things that remind me of her.

ME

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82 Responses to Grandma

  1. j.b. says:

    I’m not a member, and to be honest I stumbled across a video of you on youtube. A interview video not, umm one of your performances. But either way, I’m not usually one to feel for others heartaches; i figure there’s just too much out there, if i felt it all, it would just kill me. I’m an aspiring writer and i understand the power of words, and i just wanted to say, what you wrote about your grandmother actually touched me. I don’t know who you are, of course, but i am deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t believe in a heaven or hell, but i hope you are able to find some comfort in these times; if it is only in your memories of her. i hope you the best. and once again i am horribly sorry for your loss. The love you seemed to have for her is something that seems to be lacking in todays world. in these worst of times, the best of us will help us survive. my most sincere sympathies.

  2. Ed says:

    May peace find it’s way into your heart.

  3. Kurt says:

    My deepest sympathes go out to you. Hang in there.

  4. JQPUB720 says:

    Bree,

    I’m very sorry about your loss. I sent you a related message that you may want to read…

    Take Care,

    Love, John

  5. CZ says:

    Bree,

    You are devastated and there isn’t anything that can be said to change that. There is no pain like having the most important thing in your life taken away. All you can do right now is remember how much she loved you and how proud she was of her Granddaughter. A little bit of her will live on in your memory. Still, there are people in this world who care very much about you and I hope they will help you to get through this terrible time.

    Wishing you all the best.
    CZ

  6. Jason says:

    My deepest sympathies and condolences to you. I understand exactly what you’re going through. My grandfather was the closest person to me in the world, and I went through a very similar experience when he died. I wish I could tell you that you’ll get over it, but I can’t. It’s been nearly ten years, and I still miss him every day. I too think of all of the things that I’ve accomplished since he died that I wish I could share with him, and regret that I can’t. However, I can tell you that it does get easier as time goes on. My thoughts are with you, and all the best to you and your family.

  7. Chris22 says:

    Sorry about your loss Bree. I posted a responce on your Myspace, suffice to say I’ve experienced something similar in recent times. I hope time makes things feel better, it will eventually.

  8. Paul c. Mackert says:

    My dear,
    I know that no words can help the pain that you feel now! I wish I had one wish that could come true! I would use for you, my love! I do know how you feel! My sweet dear grandmother died awhile back! There was no one like her on this planet! To this day I can still hear her words to me, see her sweet face and miss her so much take I still cry! In time the pain will still be there for it will never go away but it gets less and less painful as time goes bye! I have lost other people in my life but so far none have hurt the way her loose has! I want o try to do something that has help me!
    I know this can sound cold but try to think of our life if she was never there for you at all! I know your life was made so much better because she was in it and her love has lighten the dark spaces of your heart! Her love has warmed your soul and has made you a much better person!!!
    MAY GOD HELP YOU AND BLESS YOU TO SEE ALL THE GOOD SHE HAS GIVEN TO YOU FREELY IN LOVE!!!

    I SEND ALL MY LOVE TO YOU NOW AND FOREVER, YOUR PAULY

  9. Robert says:

    Dear Bree, It is never easy losing a loved one. The sting of the loss really never goes away. Your grief will eventually be replaced with a smile when you think of her. The warm times will come back and you will just smile away. I know that I miss my parents and grand mothers a lot, but thinking of them still brings a smile to my face and a warmth in my heart. My thoughts and sympathies go out to you and your family. All the best in this time of grief, Robert

  10. rev_indy says:

    My condolences on the loss of your Grandmother. From what was written she sounds like an incredible woman. I’m truly sorry for your loss.

  11. bono-ONE says:

    I’ve written you by regular email but I wanted to say again how sorry I am for your loss, know you have friends there who will be there for you and don’t be afraid to call upon them. I’ve enjoyed knowing you over the last year or so and let me know if there’s anything I can do, take care Bree.

  12. Darren Outhwaite says:

    Very sorry to hear about your loss Bree. Take care x

  13. breaker19 says:

    sorry to hear that bree, i am a new fan of yours and i am very close to my grandma also.

  14. Bryan says:

    Bree,

    I am so sorry to hear about your grandma. I just read this on myspace and had to write you. I lost my grandfather a couple of months ago. He was in the same shape your grandma was in, so I understand the pain and helplessness you felt. ONe of the few things he wanted before he passed was to see me and that broke me down. I didn’t know how to respond to that. I stayed with him and even performed his funeral, which was more difficult than people will ever know. Just know that I will be thinking about you and praying for you and your family and I’m always around if you need someone to talk to.

  15. Andre fortin says:

    My most sincere condolences to you .

  16. D. Davis says:

    Bree Sory for your lost I lost my Grandmaw when I was 5 years old.
    I lost Grandpaw when I was 20 years old, I would come home from school and go over to his house everyday to see him. I am 41 years old now and I still miss him.
    I won’t forget him I will remember him to the day I die.
    Just remember her and it will be all rite.
    Take care love you.

  17. Matt says:

    I know how you feel Bree. I lost my dad on july 10, 08 from a brain tumor and I felt like something died in me too
    It hurts I know but take your time to grieve. Take a few days off.
    Love
    Matt

  18. Don says:

    Bree you are young you will get over this time in your life the loss of some one like your grandmother is hard to takeI have been there I know , but it is the best she is gone so she does not suffer but is at peace is something you can not prevent we all will face that someday you will grieve but then you must move on with your life ,your grandmother would what it. I am sure, I am here for you if you ever what to talk dont worry about getting back to my emails that I have posted or this one when you feel it is the right time you will. Bree I love you I hope u will get over this and my thoughts are always with you take care .
    LOVE Donald a loving fan and friend

  19. colin says:

    Hi Bree,
    Really sorry to hear about your sad loss.
    We miss you but take time your time to come back when you feel like it.
    Take care,
    C.

  20. Portia says:

    Bree I’m very sorry for your lost and send you my deepest sympathy.

  21. Dean says:

    I am sorry to hear this news Bree. I lost my grandfather just recently as well. So I know how bad that feels. My heart is with you on this one and I hope that you feel joy in your memories of her.

  22. Toni says:

    As one of your biggest female fans, I really appreciate the fact that you are a real person. I am going through something similar with my great-grandfather now (who I was named after) and rest assured things will get better.

  23. VerySorryForYourLoss says:

    Bree, I am so sorry for your loss. Those of us who have had the pleasure of meeting you (last time for me was April in Miami Beach) know the sunny personality you show in your films is exactly the way you treat your fans in person. I hope the sun shines again in your life someday.

    Thoughts and prayers go out to your family and you.

    J

  24. b0b says:

    I am sorry for your loss

  25. tim says:

    hey, im sorry to hear of your grandma. My grandpa was exactly the same way and when he died it hurt me a lot mostly because it wasnt a natural death. he commited suicide and it shocked everyone in our family and i still get really sad at random times and this is 4 years after it happened. At least she is in a better place and looking down on you know. anyway i just wanted to say im sorry.

  26. Don says:

    Bree I so what my feelings know to you. I hope you understand how sad i am for you as i am truly a fan of yours I wish i could hold you in my arms to help you in this time of sorrow in your young life but i cant so i hope this entry can do the trick I love you bree yours truly love Donald

  27. Nathan says:

    So sorry for your loss, nothing anyone can say will make your pain go away. The loss of a loved one is hard, only time will heal you. I’ve lost both sets of grandparents and it is hard. I tired to find comfort in the fact that they have lived a long life and at least they are no longer suffering. She will always be in your memories. Keep your head up,

    Nathan

  28. Steve says:

    So sorry to here about this hun. Having lost 3 grandparents in various circumstances i understand how you feel. All i can say is things do get better, the pain fades but the good memories don’t! I think all you fans are thinking about you at this time and will all agree when i say take as much time as you need before doing some more content.

  29. philip747 says:

    sweety, you summed up all your love and emotion there in those short paragraphs. Well said and well done. She was loved by you and is now looking down on you from heaven watching over you and protecting you tall the way.

    God Bless

  30. Matthew Ullom says:

    Bree I’m so sorry for your loss, losing a loved one is the hardest thing for anyone to go through. I lost my father five years ago, so I know what your going through right now. The tears will come and come often, but try to remember the good days you two shared and not the days in the hospital. Just know that your grandmother is in a better place, and I know she is with you always, and forever will be. Take care and God bless.

  31. Joshua says:

    “Bree” —

    You should read the book “Sam’s Letter’s to Jennifer”. I just read it yesterday. I, too, am extremely close with my grandmother, and this book helped, a great deal.

    Thoughts and prayers. Remember, her love will never die.

    -Joshua

  32. Ryan says:

    Hi Bree
    unfortunately i was unable to meet your grandmother, but why the way you talk about her it shows she was a great women, and for you to have such strong feelings towards her, she must of been something incredible. I know what its like to loose a loved one. And to feel the loneliness without he/she. I also have a slight feeling and what its like to not have that one person at your weeding/hospital for you children/ and to feel the emptiness in your heat. I wish you the best Bree, always keep your head up high, your smile is what makes you stand out 1 in 6 billion people

  33. leebob says:

    I am so sorry, angel. I do truly understand because I am that close with my grand. She just turned ninety as I told you in another email. She will always be my best friend. I am so sorry for your loss, sweet girl. It breaks my heart. I am Lee, I am a girl and I am very fond of you. I hope that we can talk in the future, and I will be thinking of your heart.

  34. Ryan says:

    Hey bree.

    I know what you’re going through is tough. Personally by the time i was 16, I was there for the deaths of two grandma’s one grandpa and one great-grandma. I was under five when my great-grandma and one of my gradma’s died, so i don’t have much to remember them by. My grandpa and other grandma died when I was 15. I was closer to them. My grandpa had alzhimers and his death was contributed to that. I can understand what you’re going through, having myself to watch one of the men I looked up to slowly deteriorate to the point where he no longer knows where he is or who’s around. My grandma on the other hand whent while I was at camp. I didn’t get to see her before she died, or even at the funeral.

    So don’t dwell on your loss. Yes you should mourn for a time, but then you should celebrate that where she is now, she doesn’t need to worry about her heart any more. Where she is now she no longer has the concerns that we have in our mortal life. I know this loss feels great to you, and I know it’s hard to come back from a loss like this. Just remember that the night is always darkest before the dawn. It may seem like a great loss now, but i’m sure it’s how she wanted to go. With people who loved her there with her. so mourn her, love her, remember her. but don’t let it keep you from moving forward and allowing life to start making itself better for you. I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to mour her and lose the futre sh’ed want you to have.

    If you ever need some one to talk to or anything just give me a buzz

    Ryan

    -To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.-

  35. john says:

    My condolances on your grandma. I am close to my grandpa and I am dreading the day I will face what you just faced. I would like to say more but not in the open were anybody could read it.

  36. Jerry says:

    Bree,

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    Please be strong and don’t lose that wonderful smile.

  37. To Bree I’m so sorry to hear about you grandma. The way you talk about she was really special to you. My condolences to you. I know how you feel 2 years ago I lost both my grandparents on my moms side. Thge died a week apart. The one that hit me really hard was my grandpa I never knew him but would have loved to meet him. The way they talked about him made him seem really a great guy. I cried for hours, not know why he had died. Even when they talk about him still my eyes water with tears. I sorta knew my grandma she came and visited twice when my brother and I were born. I never got that same resction like I did for my grandpa. But just las week when looking at her photo in an album I started to cry and cryed for like half an hour in my nanas bathroom. I miss them both and would have loved to meet them. They lived in New Zealand so it was hard to get there to ever visit. So I sorta know what you going through. Once again sorry to hear about your grandma. Hope you will get well soon take care of yourself.

  38. Jesus Garcia says:

    I am really sorry for you and all your family, and, of course, for your lovely grandma. My dad died a few years ago (he was only 52) and my mom is now very ill (cancer). Be strong, for you and for all your family. It’s hard, but we got to be strong.
    kisses
    Jesus

  39. kathy says:

    I’m so sorry Honey, I know how much you loved her. Please let Shoosh and I know if there’s anything you need. We love you. Kathy

  40. dave k says:

    sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost my 6 years this saturday it was the hardest thing i went threw because as you know there nothing like a grandma’s love. i whis i could say it get easier but if i did I would be liying. U just got to think of all the good times you had and lucky you had those time.then remeber she not suffering no more and that she always listing and whatching over you. dave

  41. Adrian says:

    Wow, that is a sad story, my heart is with you on this one, i had to witness my mom dieing in a similar way. It was cancer for her, in the end the only solace i could find was that at least she went out fast without much suffering, as the doctors had described a very lengthy and painful process instead of what she went through. I know she is irreplaceable, but I hope realizing that she is not suffering anymore from her heart condition makes your day a bit brighter.

  42. george bruns says:

    hi Bree I just wanted to say hi to you and that i am sorry to hear about your grandmother. i know that it does not mean much but she is in a better place. by the way you are a beautiful woman

    george

  43. chris says:

    I am sorry to here about your loss. It sounds like a similar story I had with my grandfather a few years ago. Be strong and hope your family is supporting everyone.

    Take Care

  44. Justin says:

    Hi Bree,
    Watching a grandparent or any one else slowly pass on is a hard thing. I myself went through that with my grandmother in 2001.
    From a fellow Texan my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family for your loss.

    Justin

  45. Ron says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

  46. Jason says:

    My condolences Bree. I won’t get into my experiences to try to relate to you, but I believe that your grandmother is at peace, and left this world surrounded by those that cared for her and that although she isn’t physically with you, that she will always have a place in your heart. Although I don’t know your grandma, or your family, I’m certain that she lived a full life, and that she left a legacy in which she will be remembered by you and your family for generations to come.

    Sincerly;
    Jason.

  47. j. wolf says:

    Dear Bree,

    I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear of your Grandma death. You have my condolences. I too just lost the closest person in my life … my father. He died after a six month battle with cancer. I can’t nor shouldn’t nor wouldn’t tell you how to feel; but in my case it was so hard to see such a vital person reduced to being such a sick man. It was and still is too hard for me to take. I feel that he is at peace and in a much better place … not ill, playing baseball and golf (the sports he loved the most), and with his sister; the only person he loved as much as my brother and myself. He lived long enough so that his whole family was able to give him love and say our goodbyes. I think he lived as long as he did just for just for his family; just to let us say goodbye. I thank and admire him for putting up such a good fight, but I sometimes wish he would have died earlier so he would not have gone through so much pain.

    Your grandmother story is a remarkable one. She lived through and seen things no human should have to go through. I’m sure that although she won’t be there, physically, for your future big events, she will be there in spirit and you will be able to feel her presence. There’s not an hour that goes by that I don’t hear in my mind the things that my father would have said about something happening either in my life or in the world in general. I have a good feeling that the closeness you shared with your grandmother will never be broken. Take care and may Peace and Love be with you.

    Sincerely,

    J

  48. Robert McCrary says:

    Bree -

    I am so sorry that you did not have your grandmother for a longer period of time. I lost mine when I was 40, and it seemed too soon. She was the woman that taught me the simple pleasure of living a life that involves helping others. She was my example. I watched her cheer people up who seemed beyond all assistance, and somehow make them feel as though they had done HER a favor by listening.

    Your grandmother seems like an equally remarkable woman. Your smiles may be forced now, but trust me, they will come back, and they can be made even more radiant by the simple act of thinking about her and how much she meant to you!

  49. Rob says:

    You don’t know me, but I thought I’d drop you a line. What you wrote was very touching about your grandmother. I hope you find the strength from taking soleace in the memories, you have of her. I hope someday you’ll be happy again and smile like you used to. I know one day I will lose the people i love so very much, my mother and father. Being an only child, but at the same time having a wife and family that I love and cherish so very much; I know will not prepare me for that day.

    Take care Bree, and stay strong. Without sounding too cheesy, any time you feel the sun warming on your face; think of that as her smiling at you.

    Rob

  50. Alan says:

    life was never easy…. sometimes you just have to put up with the way things are….

  51. DJ TEKNEEK says:

    i know how u feel… i lost my grandmother it was the toughtest time of my life but i know she is in a better place and she is stil with me every day…your grandmother will not miss those great days of your life as time passes you will feel her presence more…. hang in there i know its hard…

  52. bert says:

    you got to be strong girl !
    i think your grandma is still here watching over you
    be happy with the time you had with her

    xx bert

  53. Andrew S. says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. A sudden loss of someone so close to you can never be easy. One day, those memories won’t bring about such feelings of loss; they may again be warm feelings as I’m sure they were not so long ago. Just hang in there and talk to friends and family. Don’t keep things bottled up. Write about your feelings even if you just erase it afterword it can really help you work through something and better understand yourself.

    -Andrew

  54. John says:

    i’m sorry to hear about ur grandma i feel your pain my grandpa just passed about 3 months ago strangely enough it was pretty much the same thing that happened to your grandma, he had 4 heart attacks in one week tho. there was nothing more i hated then seeing him hooked up to all the machines in ICU with hoses down his mouth, he too eventually made the decision to be taken off life support if his condition didn’t improve…and it didn’t so yea :( . but atleast they’re both in a better place now right?

  55. vincenzo says:

    I Bree.
    I’am a your italian fan and sorry for my bad english.
    Did I extend my sincerest condolences for the loss of your beloved grandmother, I follow you from the beginning and then I know what it means for this loss tea and I join with those you love to express my sorrow.
    There are no sentences made or circumstance capable of Consular a person in moments like these, recalls only that you are not alone and that life is like a long river that flows into the sea, in this sea one day towards her and be together forever.
    With affection Vincenzo.

  56. Derek says:

    Hi Bree, you don’t know me, i just wanted to extend my condolences to you regarding your grandma’s passing. I can see what a tremendous impact she made on your life..sounds like she was more than just a close relative but also your guide..Anyways, my heart go goes out to you..i lost someone recently too so i have an the ballpark idea of what you are feeling…There is really nothing poignant one can say regarding grief as far as i am concerned..wish there was..
    Anyways, you are a beautiful young lady and your performances have brought a smile to my face on more than one occasion recently and i felt compelled to write you and thank you. Sometimes a man just wants to see or feel some genuine enthusiasm and you definitely exude that..i hope i dont sound like a nut job saying this but the truth is i have always wanted to go to Indiana..my boyhood hero is from Evansville..have always wanted to see that place at least once..random, i know lol..I truly hope your heart heals soon Bree..take care

  57. Andrew from Auckland says:

    So brave of you to put your feelings on here like that. Must be awesome to know so many people care about you! Hope you’re feeling better about things, and hey, nanna’s in a happier place now – even though you don’t believe it, and even with what you do believe, she isn’t in pain :-)

  58. Patrick says:

    Hi,

    We’re strangers and all and I know this is very late, but I just wanted to convey my condolences to you and your family. I hope you feel better in the days to come, she wouldn’t have wanted you be unhappy, and most of all, she wouldn’t want you to suffer.

  59. dennis11 says:

    oh thats sad to hear =(
    but i hope you recover from this soon and keep on the great work. you are awesome!

  60. Brittany says:

    I am sooo sorry for your loss Sweetheart. I know how it feels to loose someone so near and dear to you…. and I know how badly it hurts, and what utter hell it is to go through grieving. I’ll be praying for you Sweetie! Keep your chin up!

    Many Hugs,
    Brittany

  61. Glenn says:

    I am so sorry Bree for the loss of your grandmother. I know what it’s like to lose someone that’s so close to you. I lost my grandfather a few years ago and it crushed me. I felt emotionally and physically drained for the longest time. Joy came real hard for me. I hope that you’re able to talk, grieve and cry with someone dear to you. It’s so important. I’m understanding that from past interviews you don’t have much of a belief in God. But know that both I feel and grieve with you and I do say a prayer for you and you grandma, who I believe is at peace in heaven. Take good care of yourself. Glenn

  62. Thomas says:

    Hi Bree,
    I lost my MOM 13 years ago so I sort know what going throught I hope that in time you will get your smile back.
    Thomas

  63. sean says:

    grandma loves you forever. you’re a beautiful soul.

  64. Pedro says:

    It’s a very nice tribute to your grandma you’ve placed here. It must have been hard to stay with her in her last moments, I know what it is.

    Wish you all the happyness that you deserve.

    Pedro from a small city in Portugal.

  65. Dave says:

    Bree,

    I don’t know if I’m exactly a fan, or more just curious as to who you are as a person, behind the movies and scenes. This is the first time to this site oddly this was the first note I looked at. I am very sorry to hear about your grandma. There is nothing like that someone special that we have always looked up to and knew that we could always go to. Sadly people must go, but live on through the thoughts and prayers that we have. I don’t know if I believe in “God” the way church is, but I know that there is a better life beyond this, and that love is even more there. I don’t know who you are from anyone else that may be walking this earth, but I know that you loved someone and they were special to you and for that she will live on. I know that words of people who watch you and speak to you are millions to one. But if I can put a smile for a moment on your face from telling you that beyond your fans, beyond the website and the movies, you were and are special to your grandma. Again I’m sorry.

    My prayers and best wishes.

    Dave

  66. Kevin says:

    Hi Bree,

    So sorry to hear of the passing of your grandma, that’s extremely sad. Just try to remember all the wonderful times you spent with her and know in your heart that she’s smiling down from above at you. Wishing you the best beautiful. Be well.

    Kevin in Boston

  67. j says:

    im sorry…
    i felt the same about my late g.ma
    =(

  68. chuck says:

    Hi Bree, that was a touching and heart wrenching story. I hope you are doing well.

    chuck (alaska)

  69. DarthXelleon says:

    Bree, I am so sorry for your loss. When my aunt passed away, I was devistated. The days following my life was in a haze, I went to work, did chores around the house, but I was running on autopilot. That was a few years ago, and a part of me still mourns for her, a tear comes to my aye when I think of her. I know I’ll be with her again some day, but I don’t think she would want me to hurry.

  70. Fremont III says:

    I know that exact feeling. I was lving at my Grandmother’s place, and when she passed away, for the whole week, I was in a fog. I still dont remember anything from that week. I know I went to work, but not much else.
    Then when my Dad passed away (April 27, 2006), I just wanted to see things that reminded me of him – things he’d given me, or I gave him and received back when he moved into the retirement community. I visited him whenever I could. Now whenever I do, I end up crying.
    If I had ever met anyone I’d want to marry, I would have wanted them to be at my wedding.

    I’m going to be 38 on October 25(1970), same birthday as my Dad (1928). I’m starting to tear up, so I will have to cut this short.
    Take care.

  71. Marcoscu says:

    Your writing moved me very much. The grief and sadness you feel now will in time be replaced by fond an loving memories which will sustain you for the rest of your life. Stay strong.

  72. Suren says:

    hey oslen!
    I am really sorry that u lost ur grandmom! i know its really heartbreaking! I have seen u in some porn scenes! but i think a cute, innocent looking girl should not be in the porn industry! U should live a normal life with a caring, loving husband! and may be u can do a better job as u r an educated girl! U know being a porn star in normal society is a taboo! an innocent looking girl like u does not deserve it! i saw in one of ur answers u want to live a peaceful life in 10 years with a caring husband, having children in countryside! just think will everything be smoothly worked out as u dream if u stay in this industry. Good, caring humans would not like to marry a porn star! sit bk and think wat u will achive if u stay in this industry! yes u will earn money, pleasure but might be one day u will have pay back off everything! thanks!

  73. omar says:

    Whores get married and have kids?

  74. Alfred says:

    I feel really sad to hear about you losing such a respected person/mentor from your life. May the creator give you the courage to surmount the grief in quick time. Honestly, I do not seem thinking about you as a sexy girl right now and desire to be there with you to offer support.

  75. Giovanni says:

    Hi Bree,
    I just wrote you to wish happy birthday……
    I read about your loss only now and I’m so sorry…..
    How is possible for me I’m there close to you with my heart and mind…..
    Take care,many kisses and hugs.
    Much love,
    Gio

  76. Linden Mitchell says:

    Hello Bree as a former marine I have seen my share of tragedies and understand this your grandmother lives on in the hearts of the people that loved her and your grandmother is a part of you so as long as there is a bree olson.

  77. Pete says:

    I am very sorry to hear of your loss, i feel for you and all your family. i hope your grandmother wont be too embaressed/dissapointed with your career choice, perhaps you should pack it all up in memory of her, she will see and hear everyhting now.

    D

  78. Jeff says:

    Dear Bree:

    I am not a member. I just discovered your blog. My deepest sympathies to you on the loss of your Grandma. Nothing can undo the loss of a loved one, particularly your beloved Grandma who you were so close to. In life, we often forget, or try to forget, those the ones we love are all-too-mortal. We certainly forget that fact for ourselves. We go about our daily lives, sleeping, eating, working, playing, as if the things we do matter. When the world reminds us of how fragile and fleeting we are, we are usually caught unawares and unprepared, and we must quickly find the strength within ourselves to carry on. The day-to-day things then seem so empty. In truth, the only things we do that matter in our lives are to love and to be compassionate, because these are the actions that do give meaning to the things we do. Every momenty of our lives then has meaning. You can be certain that your Grandma loved you very much, and that that love continues forever. Live up to that love, live that love, and remember her always.

    Best wishes,

    Jeff

  79. Dan says:

    Dear Bree,

    I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. From the way you speak of her she must be a truly amazing person to deserve the love you gave her. In times like this, and I know it’s easier said than done, just revisit the timesin which you both had fun and laughed. Before you know he heavy weight on your heart will slowly be lifted. It takes time, I know, I lost my grandparents at a really early age. We lived near them and saw them about three times a week. Live, learn, and most importantly love as you have done. I too know what it is like to visit ICU as my father had a stroke and heart attack a few years ago. It is the hardest journey a person could ever take. Stay up and stay strong. Remember that while people pass, memories remain eternal.

  80. John Klein says:

    You do have a soul and so does your Grandmother. The creator these souls wants you to spend eternity it what is called the communion of saints. God wants all of his souls to be saintly spirits with Him for eternity. God also gives each of us a free will or the power to decide. It is my belief that this immortal soul , invisible to the eye, exists in each of God’s human creations. Hope is alive that your soul will experience eternity in the creator’s presence along side your Grandmother’s soul as well as other good souls. The souls of future children, spouse and close family and friends all will be in this communion of saints for you and your Grandmother to enjoy.

  81. JIM says:

    BREE, I JUST CAME ACROSS YOUR WEBSITE, AND I WAS SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER. MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY. I SAW YOUR VIDEO WITH ARIEL, IT WAS TOP NOTCH.

    JIM.

  82. kevin says:

    bre sorry to her about your gramma i have a similiar thing happened to my dad its going to be 10 years this year and as of feb.17 he would have turned 80.there is not a day goes by i don’t think of him my thougght and prayers go out to you and your family.

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